first synthesis example

             Criticism of first example                            




Great headings


INTRO
-Issue is that minimum wage amount is controversial?
-Never includes article names and authors
-Doesn't give support for clear side
-Boring
-Is this in the US or what??? Who would it benefit?
-Does give a clear side however, that it would be beneficial to raise minimum wage.


Body para 1
-Topic sentence: how families are affected and have been affected by minimum wage
-support for argument is a fact from Warren
-Reasoning: the point of minimum wage is help families live above poverty, inflation
-Transitions: wut


Body para 2
-not only families affected by minimum wage
-where's the citation???
-facts without citation
- kids want spending monies
-transition:




Body para 3
-increasing minimum wage is going to be a process, states must take action
-lays out plan over the years
-gives quote from Dayton, governor of Minnesota, makes it relatable to his audience
-NUMBAHS
-federal-----?------> state


Body para 4
-raising min wage would cause unemployment
-contradictory it would cause unemployment but there were 3.9 million vacant jobs




Conclusion
-summarizes everything he wrote about
-not focused

Applebaum and Wolfers

APPLEBAUM


Problems:
     -college students are going too far into debt to get an education
    -education is a right, not a commodity
    -college students will spend their whole lives paying back student debt instead of contributing to help the economy prosper


Proposal:
    -to take off 10 percent of debt every 10 years


Reasoning:
    -college students are our future for economic success


Evidence:
     -$1 trillion in student loan debt


I wanna know more of the specifics






WOLFERS


Problems:
    -he has lil' bitch syndrome

CC rough draft

I am not totally confident about the length of this draft even though it meets the minimum requirement of 1.5 pages. This is a very rough draft. The reason for it being so is because I wanted to make sure I was doing it right.


I have not addressed all objectives. I only gave an analysis for a part of one essay. I did not include a conclusion. So I need to add those.
My transitions suck also.


My peer will probably tell me that I need to analyze both articles fuller. They will most likely say that I need to add a conclusion and a "so what?"


_________________________________________________________________________________








I'm surprised at how well he reviewed it. He gave some interesting feedback. I just need to lengthen my paper and finish it.

Logical fallacies in vid

name calling- war mongerer


false claims


generalization- how we feel as catholics


red herring- voting for john Kerry?

for and against legalizing organ donation

For:
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2011/11/why-legalizing-organ-sales-would-help-to-save-lives-end-violence/248114/


Against:
couldn't find one

YO fracking

Don Carns Jr.


What's at stake? (ethos)
Don is a resident of Beans Cove.
He is trying to show the cons of fracking.


What's the focus?
The focus is that fracking is bad for the environment and it should be stopped.




How they be supportin' it?
He supports with examples of how it is hurting the environment. Heavy trucks, breaking the environment.










Scott Cline


Stake?
He is trying to discredit Don saying that its not the fracking that is hurting the environment.




Focus?
to discredit Don and elaborate on why fracking isn't hurting our environment.


Support?
He kind of attacks Don but he also explains how hydraulics works and how it isn't hurting the environment.
He also explains that fracking doesn't cause earthquakes or high radioactivity in fracking's presence.
Says that the long-term benefits of fracking outweigh the short term cons.

Video

Message- we live in a systematic world and because getting food is so easy, we are gaining weight and eating more and more.




Purpose- to show the audience how food is prepared and processed. the workers looked Asian so it shows that our food is coming from other countries. Also, to help us realize what a problem obesity is coming.




Audience- I believe the intended audience was America. I think this because we are one of the most obese countries in the world and we get food imported easily from other countries




Tone- everything was sped up so we could see the progression of food preparation in 6 minutes. that's what kept our attention, because it was short and interesting to see the images. it was interesting how they went through the livestock's lives, from being alive to being butchered and then in our stores. The music was not a happy upbeat music. It was more solemn and influenced the audience in a negative way. There was no narration I believe because they just wanted to present this video to you without influencing you verbally.

Thesis Statement

Imagine being in dire need for an organ transplant but there were limited donors, and you begin to think maybe there is a better way to get organ donors.


health     class     swag  

Topic

Should we legalize organ sale?


http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2011/11/why-legalizing-organ-sales-would-help-to-save-lives-end-violence/248114/


In this article they state that Iran legalized organ sale and now there are no patients on the waiting list. This may be true but I do feel like people would abuse this new law and steal organs out of greed. People may not necessarily be directly killed, but without organs, one can die. The article also states that making the trade open, would decrease the violence and make it more acceptable. People would be consenting to the trade if it were legalized.


http://www.forbes.com/sites/marciaclark/2013/06/13/selling-your-organs-should-it-be-legal-do-you-own-yourself/

My Passions

Here's a list of some of my passions:

Softball
Germany/Traveling
World War II/ The Holocaust
Bob's Burgers
Game of Thrones
American Horror Story
Horror movies
Helping others
Eating
Making money
Turning up
MY PUPPY

Dat Feedback

I found the feedback to be very helpful. It wasn't sugar coated and it was constructive. The specific grammatical errors help a lot and she also told me what I was doing well. She pointed out a major problem in my essay, the fact that she wasn't sure where it was taking place and now I know I need to fix that.

What I Need to Work on

I already know I forgot to put a title on the rough draft. I also forgot to use MLA style and number the pages. I probably could use more elaboration and explain how this event influenced me. I feel like I used strong words, and plenty of dialogue.

Out of My Element

One time I felt out of my element was when I was at handball practice in Germany. I had no friends, as it was the beginning of my time there, and I wasn't sure how the game was played. Not to toot my own horn but when I was younger, I was used to being one of the best on the team, and now that I was the newbie and wasn't great at the sport, I felt lost. It didn't help that none of my teammates were friendly enough to help me understand the rules of the game and that my coach was fired for inappropriate language and actions. I felt like a total loser when it came time to run through drills. You see, handball is a complex and very physical game which one must practice over years. Being an amazing handball player that my host mom was, she explained that I wasn't going to be good until I had practiced for awhile.


Now I know it sounds like poor me, but I'm used to learning fast and things working, but this sport just wasn't working. I would fake being sick, to get out of practice and pretend like I had other things to do on game days. Eventually, it had broken me down so much that I told my host parents that I wanted to quit. Fearing that they would be disappointed or mad in me, it took me awhile to bring it up. I finally did, and they were just fine with it and I found a different sport to fit in to.

The Influence of Technology

Technology has had a positive and negative influence on my life.
Negatively, it has made me crawl back into my introvert shell that I am so used to. It is much easier to comment on something on Facebook because of the visual barrier. No one can see my red face if I get embarrassed or angry, or any other facial expressions that one may not desire. It also has given way to a new cyber-bullying. There are a lot more hurtful things said on Facebook because more people have the courage to write something, rather than to say it. Facebook has also become an addiction. I remember when I was in Germany, I made a pledge that I wouldn't go on Facebook for a week. I succeeded, but it was the longest week of my life.
Similarly, my iPhone has been an addiction. I had never had a cell phone (which I am paying for on my own), until  I came to college and now that I have it, it gets tough to put down. My dad also gets frustrated when we are sitting in the living room on our phones. He is old-school and doesn't understand how writing something on a screen is more appealing than intimate, eye-to-eye conversation. I agree with him 100% and wish so badly that I could just set my phone down for a day and not think about it.


Positively, technology makes it easier for me to stay in touch with my host family and friends over seas. I couldn't imagine staying in such good contact if it weren't for Facebook or iMessage. I know other people who haven't been over seas can relate, because there are foreign exchange students over here that have to go back home sometimes and technology makes it easy to keep in contact.
Generally, technology is the fastest way to send and receive information. Sometimes that can be life saving. Just like the advanced technology in hospitals and clinic have saved lives. I think technology is good for saving lives, but it can be detrimental to the next generation's social and behavioral skills.

Toughest decision

The toughest decision I ever made was deciding to tell my mom that I was sexually abused. I was afraid that it was my fault and she would see it that way. I was also afraid that she would treat me differently and maybe even not let me do certain things. I hate being treated differently after telling someone something personal. Being babied is not what I intend to happen after telling someone something.


My mom was very sad it happened but she is also my biggest supporter and I truly believe that I got through it so well because she was there for me the whole way. I am fine now and I am glad I told my mom.


I have yet to tell my dad, but I don't think that will happen.


It was one of the toughest decisions because I was afraid how others would perceive it.

Character

I'm pretty sure most people act differently around different people. I rarely swear around my family but I am a potty mouth around friends. I like to think of myself as an honorable person, trying to do what is right and ethical but sometimes it's tough to uphold such high standards for myself. I'm very hard on myself and I always am trying to improve myself. I'm a competitive person and am always trying to be the best person I can be. I am also quite funny I have been told. I live to make people laugh. I love seeing people smile and genuinely laugh. I also tend to focus more on others than myself. I try and moderate fights and end up getting thrown under the bus. I am always trying to help someone. I am also an impulsive person and have quite a temper. I am good at controlling my temper but if you piss me off, you will regret it. Basically, I am that person people go to when they need a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen.


I have had a good childhood and have a loving family which I believe has contributed to my ideals and character. Both of my parents are kind-hearted and very honorable. They are understanding and very nice. I believe that a lot of that has rubbed off on me.


I have not ever had a lot of money, my parents struggle frequently, which has taught me the value of money. It also has given me the incentive to get a job and make my own money. It always feels better having your own money and not having to ask your struggling parents for money.


I also spent a year in Germany which has shaped my character. Before, I was very introverted and a homebody. I am still introverted and a homebody but I don't have as hard a time socializing and going out now. That year, everything was new and I was forced to be open and flexible which I still am today.

Inner Contentment and I Want A Wife

The first essay with the Dalai Lama was an eye opening essay. It was interesting how the Dalai Lama stated that self satisfaction alone can not determine whether a desire is positive or negative. He said that a murderer may get self satisfaction while killing someone, but that doesn't mean it is a positive act. The Dalai Lama pushes for us to ask our self if we really need something or just want it. If you are more content with what you have, the happier you're going be.


I really like the I Want A Wife essay. It is a bit of a satire. It explains how much mothers do and how it never seems to be enough. The author, having been a wife and a mother, is most likely tired of doing most things and would like to feel what it feels like to have someone else do a lot of the work. I think that she wants others to realize that they should be happy with all the work the moms and wives do and be content with them.

Happiness

Happiness to me, is coming home after a long day at work or school and feeling the little paws of my puppy pressing against my legs. He is always excited to see me and gives me kisses, and that in turn, makes me happy. Feeling his soft fur and little belly moving in and out, as excitement takes over his body, is the essence of happiness.

Happiness is also knowing that you have a place where you belong in the world, and having people there to support you through good times and bad. I have learned in the few years I have been alive, that making yourself happy is more important than relying on others to make you happy.

Happiness is also stepping out on to a freshly raked softball field and smelling the dirt and grass, preparing to kick some butt. Slipping my glove onto my fingers and feeling the worn leather, glide against my skin. This also connects to the feeling of belonging, on my softball team, which is like a family, when we're together.

Happiness is holding that plane ticket to Germany in your hands, remembering all those 5:00 o'clock mornings you had to endure to afford that plane ticket. Knowing that you worked your butt off to get what you wanted, is a very good feeling.

Happiness is the most widely searched and coveted feeling or idea, yet sometimes, it is the hardest to reach or acquire. I feel that every day, one must make an effort to be happy and find happiness. Finding happiness is a habit, and does not just come on its own.